To California I go!

Well folks, here I am at the airport in Toronto, about to board my flight to San Diego. 

From there I am staying for two nights at the home of a generous hiker couple (aka trail angels) who host PCT hikers prior to their hike. Monday morning I get a ride to the trailhead and start walking! 

The last few months have been an emotional rollercoaster, and the last couple weeks have been a whoooole other thing... (my deepest apologies to the people who have had to share life with me lately). I have been grappling some serious anxiety, self-doubt, fear, and ongoing leg pain that I still haven’t resolved. Allllll the internal gremlins have been speaking up louder and louder as my departure date has approched, and I can tell you that as I am literally walking into the plane right now, they are screaming pretty loud. 

It has felt increasingly more disconcerting that my legs and feet have had pain and achiness for months and are not improving - not exactly what you want when you’re about to be relying on those feet to carry you for 8+ hours a day. My hope is that my anxiety is exacerbating the pain and it may be more mental than physical, but who knows? I’ve also had a full blown panic about my shoe situation, realising the shoes I was planning to use aren’t the best fit for my feet and tying to find new shoes last minute, which is NOT generally recommended prior to a hike. I still haven’t resolved that issue and I’m just hoping and praying that I’ve made a decision that will result in at least a manageable amount of pain and agony where my feet are involved. 

My work now is to push past the fear, doubt, and frustration with my own body and just accept the unknown. So much of me feels like finishing this trail is the most important thing and so the possibility of not being able to make it is making me pretty stressed, but I keep reminding myself of all the cheesy typical things people say, that are actually so true and important right now. The only way to fail would be to not try... Every step I take on the trail will be further than I’ve ever gone before... Things will happen exactly the way they’re supposed to... and whether it’s the whole trail, half the trail, one eighth of the trail, or only one day on the trail, this will be a powerful, learning experience and it will be worth it. (Now I just have to believe all that!)

At the very least I have a few days of walking (hopefully a LOT more than a few!) to give me some time to process all these emotions, as well as ones I haven’t really let myself get fully into yet - the sadness of leaving my job that I loved, coworkers I have become friends with, and clients I deeply care about; worry about things happening to people I care about while I’m gone for so long... my partner, my family, grandparents, and my dog (in a really big way... leaving my pup has been one of the hardest parts of this); and I can’t say I’m thrilled about the prospect of 6 months of a long distance relationship with limited phone signal. 

There’s a lot of unknown involved in this whole adventure, which is a scary and hard thing for an anxious girl who likes to know what to expect. What I do know, however, is that I’m officially in the air above Toronto, so there’s no turning back now!! 

As I am out of service I will post this once I get WiFi in San Diego. I will also be getting a US phone plan hopefully later today, so I’ll send out my number to those in my contact list! If you want to get in touch but I didn’t text you my new number, feel free to email me, comment on the blog, message me on Facebook or Instagram, etc.! 

Time for me to go enjoy this flight - probably the most peaceful 5 hours I’ll have for at least a few days! Bye for now!! 

UPDATE! 

I made it to San Diego safe and sound, and am now at the airport waiting for my trekking poles which I had to check in oversize luggage. The flight wasn’t as restful as I hoped, but I did get to see some really beautiful landscape I’ve never seen before which was spectacular and made me pretty excited to get outside and walk! 

Bye again!! :)